Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize