im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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