did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
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He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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