found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
