I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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