Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
