I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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