I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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