i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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