If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
