My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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