It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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