I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
