I puked a lego.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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