I didn't shave. On purpose
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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