I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
