New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
