If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
