dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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