Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
