I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize