"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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