Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
