im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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