i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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