Your dad touched me again.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
