Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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