I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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