Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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