dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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