That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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