Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
