you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
