Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
