Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
A bitchslap is in order.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
