At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize