he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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