i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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