i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
