The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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