she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
