whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
