So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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