sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
