My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
