my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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