How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
