Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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