The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He? As in you personified your dick?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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