Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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