Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
