jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
