Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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