I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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