she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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