dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she peed on how many people?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
