I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
