he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
