Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
