My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize