hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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