You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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