Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
