Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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