Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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