Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
