You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
