We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
