It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
