Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
