Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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