Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
