HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
