5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So here I am, sexting at work.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
