sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
