At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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