Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
