Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
