It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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