I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
