What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
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he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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