I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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