Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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