i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
