Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I skipped work to stalk him.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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