i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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