I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
