**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I puked a lego.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
