why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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