I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Randomize
